Skip to main content

Deactivated, and that has made all the difference.

It was a long time coming. A few years I think. Frustrated, uncomfortable, angry. Mostly frustrated. I know now that being frustrated for more than a few hours is long enough in my book.

I see now that all the activity was really living within the realm of inactivity. I couldn't watch anymore, stand by, listen to what others had to say about everything. I just didn't care. And it's not that I don't value opinions, but I cared too much and lost my own voice. I become a watcher, I became inactive. I gained weight in all the wrong places.

Temptation called. Shouldn't I be checking in, 'just to see'? Hmm ... Boredom ruled my hand.

But I just couldn't participate any more. And I think I deactivated like five times until it was done.

"Liberal Moaning" and "Religious Hypocrites", just a couple of ways to describe some. Lots of forwarding, and commenting, and arguing, and emotionally-fueled conversations. Looking at other people's lives. Caring about people who weren't real friends (who the hell has 1300+ friends anyhow?). Oh yes, and all from the comforts of the computer or smartphone.
Inactivity posing as activity.

Then there was the consciousness drive-bys. Right - there must be something in me that's creating what I'm seeing in the world. Hmm ... well, what I actually found to be in the "consciousness" of  me, and some of my "friends" was apathy. Apathy is a great vehicle to comfortably watch and judge and share opinions, and do that over and over and over, waiting for things to change and then blaming everyone for what's not right.

And solely praying for those going through some kind of tragedy is so safe - to send love and light and then go back to your latte and posting something about pups, or guns, or sharing a quote by someone famous - hints of arrogance.

Here's what I know: Women didn't get the right to vote by praying. Civil rights didn't happen by sitting around at a coffee shop pondering. And Gun control and background checks are definitely not happening by our hanging out and sharing our opinions on Facebook in between day to day to-do's.

Do you know how damn lucky you are for those who came before you, and took the action that has made your life the good & free life it is today?

Do you know how damn unlucky you are for those people today who are making decisions for you while you sit around and choose to not participate in your own life?

It's those questions and the physical aversion that finally led me to deactivate once and for all. I have been sick from all of it, and bored, and asleep.

Oh, but you still have my photos, my inspirational posts, my sharing over the years. But Facebook, you don't have me anymore. You were my time-wasting-apathy-enabler for way too long, and I'm grateful to know that you no longer own me.

I do thank you for giving me that option in my Settings. Oh I've been tempted by you since, though, "Come on back, we have things you need ... friends who care for you ... ".
Oh hell no.

My apathy is gone. My opinion of your opinion doesn't matter any more.  I never had more than a dozen real close friends who I would trust myself with. How did I get comfortable sharing personal things with 1300+? Oh Facebook, you enabled me.

And now ... I am free.

I am back to being discerning and action-oriented. I am here to make a difference in my life and in the lives of others. I am aligned with those who take action. And my real friends, well, they have my cel #.

This deactivation also corresponds with my being officially in mid-life, that place I've only heard about but to where I believe I've finally arrived. The sacred oasis where you no longer give a s**t about what people think of you and It. Is. Awesome.

I've been waiting for myself to meet me here. I bet I'll be tempted to return, to become activated in the activity I now see as apathy, but I'm over the mountain and am filled with new, clear air fueling my possibilities. If I feel compelled to peek back in there, I hope I'll know and remember that the only place worthy of my peeks now is inside of me, and then the road ahead. Action makes the heart grow fonder.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

staying connected.

I made a big change.  I followed a call.  I was drawn to Colorado, and to the sun, and to things not quite in my view yet.  Two months ago I moved about 30 miles from Denver, to a cabin, in the mountains. It's remote here, but I still need to connect with the internet powers, and to share my music during these extended pandemic times, and to ease into mountain living with a sprinkling of modernity. I found a broadband company who can service my area and last week they installed all the moving internet parts. Yay! No. slow ... slow ... "can't connect"...over and over, "can't connect"...  or WON'T, internet, be honest, is it can't or won't??  (I *may* have accidentally been talking to the modem, and the laptop, the broadband company.) I persisted, and as I prepared for this morning's Zoom service, I plugged my ethernet cable right into the modem and I was connected.  Wahooooo ! A half hour later, it couldn't connect again, despite being
1 comment
Read more

two slices please.

No, not pizza, although ... YUM. Two slices of bread.  I made a sandwich today. Not a one slice hoping-the-sandwich-stuff-doesn't fall-on-the-plate version, but a two slices kind, one that secures all the good middle stuff.  The one-slice sammy is something super familiar to me, and to be honest has not always been the healthiest choice, emotionally-speaking. It has been a design to keep me "on track", carb-controlling, monitoring all that enters this body. My go-to on managing change, stress, fear ... Old stuff that shows up now and again. More on that in a bit. The two slices for lunch today secured the sandwich stuff and surprisingly also made ME feel secure, held, cozy and present.  Oh bread, you are a great teacher. See, I've spent the better part of my tweendom 'til now counting, monitoring, restricting: How much did I eat? How many calories was that? Do I look OK?  Are they judging me?  Am I judging me? Somewhere along my path I stopped enjoying food, forgo
Post a Comment
Read more

Decisions, Decisions.

For several months now, I've known that something big is happening. Haven't been able to put my finger on exactly what it is, if it's career related, family related. It just feels big, and it's happening. It's also happening for so many of my friends. I keep asking around, "Do you feel like something big is happening?" And they answer "Yessssss!" How could something big be happening to so many of us simultaneously, in April/May of 2016? I think there was some planetary stuff, or maybe the election is making us all rethink everything. But really - I mean, it's not like the same exact big thing could be happening to all of us. How could that be? We're all holding onto the same string that's attached to a big balloon and floating together above the US? Whew, it's all kind of amazing, and kind of freaking me out. Aaaaand ... Too much thinking. Usually I expend energy trying to figure out what exactly the unknown is (in this
2 comments
Read more