I made a big change.
I followed a call.
I was drawn to Colorado, and to the sun, and to things not quite in my view yet.
Two months ago I moved about 30 miles from Denver, to a cabin, in the mountains.
It's remote here, but I still need to connect with the internet powers, and to share my music during these extended pandemic times, and to ease into mountain living with a sprinkling of modernity.
I found a broadband company who can service my area and last week they installed all the moving internet parts.
slow ... slow ...
"can't connect"...over and over, "can't connect"...
or WON'T, internet, be honest, is it can't or won't??
(I *may* have accidentally been talking to the modem, and the laptop, the broadband company.)
I persisted, and as I prepared for this morning's Zoom service, I plugged my ethernet cable right into the modem and I was connected.
A half hour later, it couldn't connect again, despite being hardwired this time and despite the fact that, HELLO, I had a service to do.
I breathed deeply. I monitored my regrets, my self-talk, my blaming of me and the broadband company (in their defense, though, I have a 30-day trial period, full refund if I choose to cancel so that helped.)
With another deep breath I closed my eyes and said "Gd, I'm handing this over to you"...not my usual go-to, but in this moment I had to let go, and I really had no where to go, but in.
Go in, Laura.
So in I went.
I felt calm. Released. Open to bigger things. And wouldn't you know it, Zoom zoom A Zoom! I was on the soundcheck for the service and all was working. Ethernet cable right into the modem. Connecting right to my source.
Then spin spin spin.
I needed a solution STAT and realized the only one left was using my iPhone. No hardwire. No microphone, no reverb, just me. Bare. Taking a chance that I would sound warbly, but honoring my commitments, despite the circumstances, was a must. So I was connected via Zoom on my phone. My friends on the other end said it actually sounded pretty good. They love me, and they love my music, and I'm so grateful.
Incidentally the Sunday talk was about change. So much of that today - pivoting really, willingness to let go, to change the way I approach any given situation. Seeing it all as a gift (always practicing this.)
My heart and presence moved itself through the airwaves despite the change of approach to connectivity. Yet there was still connection, and even when we think a connection isn't making a difference, it always is, don't you think? We can touch another, and our own depths, with just one spark. Especially when we begin from a place and space of inner connection with our own Divine Lover.
OK - so connect. First with my personal source. My breath. Accept the situation, ok. And - Don't allow the experience to rattle me so much that I can't remember my direction which ultimately is first, inward, then outward. Go IN first. Connect with those energy waves of Love swirling around the skeleton, blood flow, atoms, invisible Spirit.
Interesting to me that my laptop decided when it wanted to connect:
"Now, Laptop?" says Me. "... um, Nope, sorry not sorry" says Laptop.
Thanks technology, for being inhuman but providing a lesson for this human: I can always choose to connect. Connect with my inner power, Gd, the Great Love, our Universe - whenever I want to connect. That connection is my primary relationship, the one that serves me, sources me, fills me, and then a pathway is created to provide the same to others.
So much connecting today...with myself, with others, with music, with technology. With lessons awaiting me.
And tomorrow, I'm connecting with the internet company to see about that refund.