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Decisions, Decisions.

For several months now, I've known that something big is happening. Haven't been able to put my finger on exactly what it is, if it's career related, family related. It just feels big, and it's happening.

It's also happening for so many of my friends. I keep asking around, "Do you feel like something big is happening?" And they answer "Yessssss!"

How could something big be happening to so many of us simultaneously, in April/May of 2016? I think there was some planetary stuff, or maybe the election is making us all rethink everything. But really - I mean, it's not like the same exact big thing could be happening to all of us. How could that be? We're all holding onto the same string that's attached to a big balloon and floating together above the US?

Whew, it's all kind of amazing, and kind of freaking me out.

Aaaaand ... Too much thinking.

Usually I expend energy trying to figure out what exactly the unknown is (in this case, "bigness") so I can proceed in doing things in support of that thing, or decide what "it" is, so I can create a nice, white picket fence, feel safe. OK,  it's a little ... hmf hmf ... control freakiness.

Trusting-the-universe's-plan-for-me type of faith and groundedness is not really how I'm built. Up until now anyhow. It can be unnerving to await, and allow quiet and calm in, and to see with new eyes, and to imagine all new things, or a new plan for my life without having to have any answers or direction. Just. To. Trust.

This bigness feeling, whatever and whoever and whyever it is, has changed me. I actually don't want to know what it is, which is part of why it's big I suspect. A new me is growing as a result of this big thing, or the big thing is forcing me to grow.

No more thinking!

I just want to continue experiencing the feeling of joy and greatness and expansion that it's bringing forth from me.

What a wildly different approach from how I've operated up until this point; It's like I've been substituting Kava tea for my coffee in the morning (for those who don't know Kava, just ask at Whole Foods.) I literally don't want to make a decision about anything, well, maybe some decisions like holding myself to some kind of schedule, setting little goals, getting exercise, doing good deeds and having fun.

You're built how you're built, and I do need to know a few things. If I don't decide on at least a few things, my life will consist solely of sleeping and eating, so this kind of nicely paced day-to-day decision making I can trust.

But I want to not decide what this bigness is. To reign in the invisible big energy that's encompassing me right now, to name it, put it in a box, steer it - well, I wonder if that would actually diminish its potential, and very well diminish mine.

Yet, there is still the me who wants to know ... c'mon!

What to do, what to do ...

Verily I say unto thee: Nothing at all.


Comments


  1. I identify a lot with all this , and often wonder the same ... very good.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sounds like a good time for a glass of wine. :)

    ReplyDelete

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