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I got you under my skin.

I generally don't pay much attention to what others do.

No, that's not what I mean.

I don't pay attention to what others do in that way of attention turned into comparing what they do to what I do. My attention tends to be paid in being inspired by their work, or standing in support of their endeavors, whether it's listening, or offering to execute a task or two on their behalf.

But paying attention and then lessening my confidence is something that's long in my past.

Well, no. I'm lying.

Sorry.

That part of me that I just claimed to be long in my past I recently discovered has actually been laying long and low in the sleepy part of me, right here in the present.

It woke me up last week and started making comparisons.

I was dumbfounded!

I thought for sure I was enlightened by now.

I believe it's very good to pay attention to others, in the way of being inspired to aspire. That's totally legit. But being inspired to aspire doesn't mean you're supposed to reduce your worth to below zero in the light of others' dreams and successes.

I'm built (and you, too I believe) to carry all that I can inside my little frame, with everything almost right there under my skin -  my emotions, inner workings, blood 'n guts, intuition and insight, icky thoughts.

Perhaps the battle of my remembering to recognize the good and uniqueness of myself when I'm not really feeling so valuable in comparison to others - perhaps this process actually stretches me to rethink, and remember, and redesign my understanding and perspective of the situation, and of myself.

Maybe this is why I have stretch marks?

So I guess it's not such a bad thing to have this sleepy part of me awaken now and again, and do some seemingly awful things like scratching at me, and comparing me, and implementing separation tactics, all the while making me weepy and unbalanced and vulnerable (I completely recognize the drama queen I can be).

Because after all that ... ahhh ... I remember.

Contrasts in life are so important.

Maybe I am enlightened!

In any case, I think I'll just keep you around, weird and awakening side of me, now that I'm starting to believe you're not all bad. Truth is, I got you under my skin and you're teaching me to stretch. Maybe stretch marks aren't so bad after all.


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